I see my elderly mum every few days and I call her in between...

She hates being old, but that's part and parcel of hating her life since the word go...

She's been talking a lot about the The Great Depression...being one of the few...the horror etc.

I called her today to ask if she needed anything and to inform her of stats on the ageing population in the UK...

There are 2 million 80-90 year olds

There are 400,000 90+ year olds

And a surprising number of centurions on the walls with bows and arrows.

I am aware that my age group will cause an even bigger social burden on society , but I hope we can have some fun. What precious little is left of the tax-payer (whos number will not equal ours unless we all spontaneously combust ) can feel that their money has been well-spent.

The reason that I had this conversation with my mum is...

I want her to know what she's missing because she threw the PC I bought her at my head...

I want her to shut the fuck up and lap lizard-like at her Solero...

She needs to know she is Not A Fucking National Institution !

She duz my head in... she is scary-intelligent, but she uses it against the world , and especially her daughters...one she gave away, the other is still by her side...

Which was the lucky one ?

She doesn't want my pity...

But that's all I've got...

Now, bear me on my litter to a place of rejoicing