The 30 chimpanzees were finally rounded up in Chester zoo's woefully inadequate administrative block, squabbling over two Apple Macs in a futile effort to disprove the infinite monkey theorem...

SpokesChimp Bobo later commented :

'We wanted to prove that Shakespeare was a hack, but we didn't know what 'infinitely' actually meant until we Googled it'...

He went on to state that the evacuation of 5000 humans was a complete overreaction and that they should have been given their chance in the wild, adding that...

'Nobody ever takes a poll on the top Chimp sandwich-filler do they, eh ?'

PR chief Loretta blew bananas through her teeth and exclaimed :

'Turns out we can't swim either, so the whole 'escape via the lagoon' plan didn't turn out very well, and that's one committee that's sooooo fired'

However, far from being despondent the Chimps agreed over canapes at book club this evening that they do indeed 'live and learn'...